What the hell I think I'll run for president, here is my platform:
1) Putting a stop to the internet, TV and newspapers and trying to convince everyone to meet in the town square for information.
2) Putting an end to hangovers once and for all while increasing the amount of free alcohol available to the public.
3) Force George Bush and his entire administration to move to Iraq. They will all work the counter at our new Freedom Fries locations. They will all be paid the minimum wage they deemed fair for the rest of us.
4) Create a cellphone abuse police, offenders caught will be forced to take an intensive course in respecting the existence of other humans (NOTE: Folks in advertising will simply be forced to take this course.).
5) It is crucial that private jets and helicopters be made available to all Americans in need, they are all too often wasted on the powerful and privileged.

Please give to the jetsforall.com fund (I checked, thankfully there is no such site...yet.)

September 2007

We admit it. We get a little lax about news updates during the dog days... It's just because we're so busy enjoying the thrills of summer. Now that fall is here, we're getting our act together. Just in time too, because Jack's long-awaited bit on the Onion News Network has taken the cyber world by storm. Check out his starring role as Wayne McMurtry, the new country star that eggs on Osama and advocates using dogs as a weapon on an unimaginable scale. 

In other news, Jack's debut at Belmont Park was a rousing success. Jack made a huge breakthrough to a younger audience, and Daria played the ponies for the first time (not a bad first outing -- she actually made some money). There are plenty of other Gigs to choose from, so check 'em out. Jack just finished writing a hilarious new trucker song that he's sure to debut to a grateful audience in the near future. Time to bone up on your trucker lingo, here.

May 2007

Jack has completed the taping of his stint on the Onion's fledgling online News Network, starring as Wayne McMurtry. It's the only chance you'll get to see Jack perform "new country" (of which we most heartily disapprove most of the time). We'll be sure to let y'all know when it's up for your viewing pleasure. That documentary we promised will also be up soon.

If you can't wait that long, head out to Banjo Jims for the few remaning Sundays this month and enjoy Van Hayride as they finish up their two-month encampment there. There are plenty of other Gigs to choose from, so check 'em out. There are plenty of new tunes to learn, old favorites to swoon over and some Neil Young covers once in a while that sound great every time.

Summer movie season is almost here, and if you choose wisely, you'll get to hear our hero in the theatres in several new flix, namely ("Hopin' For Some Good" in the opening credits of Four Lane Highway (official site), "Trying To Get Away From Nothing At All" in I'm Reed Fish (info | trailer), "Trying To Get Away From Nothing At All" in BUFFET: All You Can Eat Las Vegas (official site)
and revisit Beerfest on fabulous cable TV and hear a short burst of "What I Drink And Who I Meet At The Track".

Speaking of the track, we're heading there soon, so watch out. Jack lost big on Derby Day and wants to make his money back. He was a little disappointed that his horse was in first place for the entire race until Street Sense blew by him. Tough break, but he did win thrsee or four years in a row, so his time was gonna come sometime.

Come by the Rodeo Bar on MAY 31 Premiere Party for the premier party for I'm Reed Fish.

Check out some of our MySpace sites for some new tunes.

April 2007

The Onion has done it again. Not content to be the world's premier satiric newspaper, now they've gone and launched The Onion News Network. Our hero is set to star as new country star Wayne McMurtry in an exclusive online piece that rips those "let's open a can of whoop-ass on those furriners" types with the Onion's usual hilarious take on current events. It's coming soon, so if you are checking this important news update on your mom's computer, it might be time to get your own.

And speaking of Mom, Mother's Day is approaching fast. Isn't about time you got her something nice for all her troubles? Check out the General Store and get her that Steak reissue and maybe a T-shirt. That will make her smile.

In other video news, Jack has completed a short documentary about himself soon to air here in Jack Graceland. We'll make it nice and easy to stream but if you're still on dial-up, you should probably get yourself some broadband. With all of these exciting downloads coming, you won't be able to stand the wait.

Jack has been playing a lot of Gigs lately, interspersing new tunes in among the classics. Get out and hear for yourself. If you're house-bound, content yourself with some MySpace action at our various outposts:

www.myspace.com/jackgraceband
www.myspace.com/steakforyou

Come back soon when you've upgraded your gear. We'll be ready

February 2007

Steak is back! You old-timers who misplaced your prized copy of Feasting on Famine, you're in luck. Jack has decided to reissue the opus that gave us "Big Bear," (blame it on) "Tequila," "Parent's Country Home" and more. You newbies who have no frickin' idea what I'm talking about, you better go to http://myspace.com/steakforyou right away. Then, visit the General Store to find out how to make your life so much better.

We're off to see Lady Daria's Pre War Ponies at Barbes. You should probably move to Brooklyn so you can enjoy these kinds of things. Otherwise, be content in your cyber enjoyment and visit our various My Space sites. You know, you really should get out more.

www.myspace.com/jackgraceband
www.myspace.com/steakforyou
http://www.myspace.com/vanhayride

October 2006

February 2006

Don't let that Seasonal Affective Disorder get you down (yes, it IS real, and no we are not going to make any SAD puns here, so if that's what you're looking for, you're outta luck fella). Check out Jack and Hugh Pool at the Rodeo on Feb. 28 for a benefit for the families of those unfortunate Virginian miners (and you think you got troubles). There are more shows happening in March, so check the Gigs for more info. You lucky kids in Easthampton, MA get the extra special Jack Grace birthday show.

Jack has pushed back the release of The Martini Cowboy to coincide with the debut of his new talk show on FX, "Keep on Eye on the Drunk Guy" or something (not to be confused with his best-selling memoir, Keep an Eye on the Eyetalian -- now available as an Audio Book!).  We've got a Web-exclusive sale of his new opus in our General Store, so you need wait no longer.  If you like, you can have a little taste first. "Try Not to Cry" is Bossa Country, shaken but not stirred. Or how about "Rotary Phone" (Zappa fans, listen carefully:  there's something special in there for you.)?

By the way, the mailing list is no longer turning all of us into balding old geezers (which is good 'cuz I'm a girl -- Ed.), so sign up with confidence and see what Jack has to say about dogs, whiskey and other stuff important to us.

[Seized by Department of Homeland Insecurity]

September 2005

Summer's nearly over, New Orleans is under water, and Dubya is still president for another three years.   Things are looking pretty bleak.  Good thing, then, that Jack has made good on his promise to offer a little taste of things to come. While The Martini Cowboy's official release isn't for several months, you can hear a choice cut now. 

In other news, the group's heartthrob Russ "the Fuss" Meissner ties the knot at the end of this month.  Sorry ladies, he's officially taken. Congrats to Russ and Tara, best wishes and good luck.  It's not easy being married to a Canadian.

Oh yeah, that CMJ Festival is about to hit NYC like a Category 5 tittie twister in September. Jack does double duty at the Rodeo Bar this month with both Van Hayride and Jack Grace Band peforming.  Damn, that makes me thirsty.   Git on over and have a margartia (I recommend Prickly Pear - Ed.).

Jack's also hangin' at the Ear Inn, hawking schnitzel and cold beer at Cafe Steinhof and hogging the photo booth at the Lakeside.  Get out and see a show.  These are just some of the public performances scheduled for the near future, where, as Jack explains,"...it happens with a bunch of instruments, some people, a room and some beverages. We hope you can be a part of it. You could go to one of these designated areas or you could go to Africa and live naked with an elephant family. It is your choice.

June 2005

Van Hayride founder and pianist (as well as our newest addition to the Jack Grace family) Jon Dryden explains: "...[Van Halen] sing about bad love and whiskey -- they are country songs." He's right of course, and the rest of us are amazed this didn't occur to someone sooner. "Jaime's Cryin'" is quite clearly meant to be performed in this way, and Van Hayride proves incontrovertibly that Jack can indeed perform armed with only his goatee and a microphone (although it was odd seeing him guitar-less the first time).

VH has been getting a lot of attention lately, but the Jack Grace Band has been far from idle.  Final mixes are nearly complete, and The Martini Cowboy is almost ready for mastering.  There are some great new songs, including a Bossa number that you can't get out of your head. 

With the summer sun finally making its appearance here in NY (and possibly other areas of the country as well) it's probably time yo beef up your wardrobe with Jack Grace T-shirts from our General Store. Or if you are looking for that special item for Father's Day, remember what Jack himself has pointed out so many times before: "Jack Grace CDs and T-shirts make fine gifts for all the people you kinda like." 

[Maybe we need better lawyers]

December 12, 2004

Jack's tune "Hopin' for Some Good" is featured on NPR's Open Mic, a showcasee for self-produced, independent artists where visitors can hear and rate new music.  Visit now and give Jack the high marks he deserves.

The Christmas season has reared its consumer-baiting, Walmart-stampeding, credit card-over-spending head again. This year, we think you should forget the hassle and spend all of your money at the Jack Grace General Store because, as Jack himself has pointed out, "Jack Grace CDs and t-shirts make fine gifts for all the people you kinda like."  For the obligatory gifts for people you don't really like, how about this?

The Martini Cowboy is about to gather his people together into the studio once again and get those great new songs recorded for all of you hungry music lovers out there on a CD to be titled The Martini Cowboy, naturally. The man himself is looking forward to getting back to work and says, "This begins the fun part which continues until we get the CD's in hand. Then the promotion begins , which is, well, not as fun.

Other things that are more fun at first:
1) The One Night Stand - My favorite story of late is of a friend who had one of these, Halloween night (a Sunday).  He had to walk home in his big fat clown outfit past Monday traffic honking and laughing at him.
2) Telling your boss to f$*k off at the Christmas party - A fine time indeed... until the 'How do I face 'm on Monday' hangover kicks in.
3) A Martini Drinking Contest - go ahead and win, champ.
4) Fast food - Mmm tastes good. Huh? I suddenly feel like a 97 year-old man being beaten by angry monkeys.
5) Having a huge party while your parents are away - That's right you're the coolest, everyone's having a really good time... and the most dangerous guy in school is wearing your mom's fur coat in the hot tub. "

[Why won't they just leave us alone?]

May 31, 2004

More praise for I Like It  Wrong. New York Press writer Alan Young notes,  "...what sets his songs apart from rest of the country or alt-country scene is his laugh-out-loud, absurdist wit. Not only is this a great party album and a great driving album, but it’s also very smart and very funny."  We've been telling you that all along, but perhaps another opinion will sway you, and you'll finally get your own copy of the CD in time for Flag Day (June 14, don't forget!).

Jack's sound  continues to ripple across the country's airwaves.  Check the radio listings for a station near you.  While you are enjoying "Ice Cold Beer" or "When I Drink Whiskey" your mind might wander, and you might find yourself wondering what Jack is doing right now.  Chances are he's working hard on some new tunes for the next record, The Martini Cowboy.  He's written at least 8 incredible tunes (some of which are about drinking, naturally) with new characters we'll all someday cherish.  Well, maybe not Uncle Luther...

Jack is also busy playing around town, so catch him before he goes away to impress the folks at some other venues in the nation's heartland later this summer.  Daria looks and sounds lovelier than ever, Drew is back from his stint with Gram Parker with a new attitude and a fistful of DVDs.  Poppa is still good-naturedly driving his station wagon full of gear, and many other fine players are sure to liven things up. Maybe even Russ will come out of hiding.

April 15, 2004

Here in Jack Graceland, your shot glass never runs dry, income taxes are never due, and the Martini Cowboy continues his heroic mission to save the world from the scourge of mediocrity.  After all, it's not your grandfather's country music. So says the New York Press, which goes on to note, "Grace's ferocious steel guitarist tours with indie rockers the Silos, his drummer is a jazz cat and the man himself slings more than a few sparks from his big, hollow-body Gibson. With a wink and a grin and a few shots of tekillya, they'll quote from Led Zep, the Bee Gees and Neil Diamond before they bring it all back home." All of these statements are true. 

Another respectable paper writes, "What’s a man with a Johnny Cash voice and a penchant for singing about Bloody Mary mornings, noons and nights to do? Canvass the city with his honky-sqwanking tears-in-beers songs and whip up a respectable following. Not bad for an urban cowboy."  (The Village Voice) Not bad indeed. Oh, and there's that New York Times piece that got us all in a tizzy last month.

You can find out what all of the fuss is about by attending one of the Gigs. So cozy up to the band at the Lakeside Lounge on the 17th.  Jack has some advice for this show: "Get there early if you'se wanna table (before some East Village knucklehead wannabees sit there and say 'oh there's music?' while sipping on their Michelob Ultras, talking loudly over the band about whom they identify with most on 'The Apprentice'). Oh they'll be there anyway all right, but if we take the tables, we can heckle them in force (The secret heckle code for Saturday's performance is: 'Man, it feels low carb in here tonight')." Of course, if you prefer peanuts, visit the Rodeo Bar on the 29th, have dinner and catch the show.  Their shrimp fajita is really quite special.

Mother's Day is only weeks away and what would she like more than flowers?  I Like It Wrong  naturally, so  buy now, pay later with your charge card (or hers...) .

March 15, 2004

Last year when the Ides of March rolled around, things weren't so rosy in Jack Graceland. The nation was about to go to war, I Like It Wrong wasn't even finished yet and Jack didn't have a dog.  Well, we're at war now and Jack still doesn't have a dog, but all of that could change very soon (at least the dog part anyway).  In preparation for this important development, Jack has finished his latest book, Getting Ready for Bronson, a lullaby to an as-yet unborn pup sure to be loved, spoiled and fed meatballs once he gets here. For more on this and other Jack Grace titles, visit our Book Club.

This month also found some long overdue attention for the Martini Cowboy in the form of a New York Times feature, "A Honky Tonk Man Whose Turf Is the Hip-Hop City".  It's still up on the Times' Website, but you gotta pay to read it. We have it here for free, so check it out.    We're all very excited.

I Like It Wrong is selling like hotcakes, so get your copy just in time for Easter. Our General Store now features three easy to use payment methods through PayPal, CDBaby or Amazon.  Buy one for your mom too.  It doesn't contain any explicit lyrics (check if you don't believe us), and it would make Jack's mom really happy.

We would like to thank our sponsor Absolut Meatball for its continued support.  Don't forget to have an Absolut Meatball Martini the next time you're out in a fine drinking establishment.  Join us at the Rodeo Bar later this month for a special Jack Grace birthday concert, and maybe we'll all have one with you. 

February 22, 2004

We are still deep in the throes of the coldest season here at Jack Graceland.  Having weathered some chilly weather and enjoying a brief respite from the frigid temperatures, the Martini Cowboy was generous enough to share some important insights with his loyal subjects in the form of Cures for the Common Winter Blues.  You'll find out what pierogies, sex and Maaco have in common.

I Like It Wrong is now available.  Our new General Store is crowded with product ready and waiting to be shipped to your eager hands. It's a safe, it's secure, it's PayPal.  Everyone knows how to use that.  Amazon and CD Baby are also coming soon, but they will sell out quickly.  Get supplies while they last. If you need to test drive the new baby, check out some tunes in the Music section and eyeball some artwork while you're at it (lyrics are fun too).

We would like to thank our new sponsor, Absolut Meatball.  The Absolut Meatball Martini is the perfect  complement to a substantial portion of Jack's own Southern Fried Veal Piccata. Then there's the miniature version of Manhattan made of meatballs... The choice is yours: fine dining Jack Grace style or another sorry helping of Mcflabburger with Freedom Fries.

I think you know what to do...

December 15, 2003

As 2003 draws to a close, we look back on a strange and wonderful year at Jack Graceland.  Jack recorded a wonderful album full of toe tappers and show stoppers, broke his hand (which has healed nicely, thank you), married the lovely Daria, enjoyed his first taste of deviled eggs and debuted his new Christmas song, "Santa Claus, Won't You Shoot My Boss for Christmas?"

We've added some great Games to the site, including Casino favorites, interactive bonanzas like Choose Your Own Adventure, and our own twisted Arcade classics like Grace Invaders and 6 Pac Man. This month, we threw in Not Really Mr. Potato Head just for the hell of it.

What does 2004 have in store?  The long-awaited public offering I Like It Wrong will hit the streets like a drunk thrown from the arms of an irate bouncer.  Jack and Daria will finally go on their Honeymoon, and Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin" will make his Broadway debut starring as General Patton in a musical revue entitled, "Blood, Guts and Rhythm".

We leave you now with some new Christmas classics (reported directly by Mr. Grace) you can hum at your desk as you break your New Year's Resolutions, until your neighbor in the next cubicle swats you with an empty wrapping paper tube.

1. Capt. Kirk's "I'll Have a Blue Christmas, Without Spock"
2. Mayor Bloomberg's "All I Want For Christmas Is A Personality"
3. Saddam Hussein's "I (gulp) Won't Be Home For Christmas"
4. Britney Spears' "Hey, I Wrote A Really Crappy Christmas Song"
5. George Bush's "Even At Christmas, I Suck"

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and any other seasonal good tidings we may have forgotten.  And don't forget the dogs, eating people food, under the table, throughout the holiday season.

November 30, 2003

Sometimes promises are made and not kept.  We at Jack Graceland frown on that type of behavior, which is why we're keeping our promise of bringing the latest and greatest from New York's finest Italian baritone.

With the release of I Like It Wrong right around the corner, we are giving away a sneak preview.  Visit the Music section for some Mp3s to download, artwork to ogle and credits to peruse.  The music's better than ever, and the cover sports some fine photography from the highly-regarded Danny Clinch. Soon you too will be saying you like it wrong; then you'll fit right in at the CD Release Party. A note of caution, however. Jack has some pretty strong ideas about these industry type things. This is what he has to say about it.

As far as that sham term "CD RELEASE PARTY"

1. They almost always suck
.
2. It's usually just another show, but with the new CD.
3. A ploy to get you, the listener, to come to #2.
4. Sometimes someone's girlfriend might make a cake or hang some streamers, which only make numbers 2 and 3 more pathetic.
5. Hey, I had a great CD release party back in 1993 for my old band Steak at The Fox Theater in Boulder Colorado.  Everyone had fun, and everyone had sex. That was my first CD and therefore my first CD RELEASE PARTY (it just looks funnier in caps). Well folks, that was then. This is my seventh CD, and I don't think that first CD naivete and magic can be rekindled. I wish my new CD well; it is my very good friend, and I hope that we can help each other out.

So, now you know.  You will all be invited to the party. The band will be there but will not play.  There will be boozing and schmoozing, and maybe we'll listen to the CD.

If you're wondering how some of Jack's other parties have turned out, be sure to visit Games and play Choose Your Own Adventure.  Or hit the Casino.  Or whatever turns you on (hell, we don't pretend to know). 

October 23, 2003

Though Britney Spears is putting on a brave face, insiders know that she is heartbroken after the recent union of our hero to the lovely Daria. While Jack could not be reached for comment, a spokesperson said, "While he wishes Britney the best, he is delighted with his new bride, and this one can actually sing."  All of us at Jack Graceland are delighted as well, not only for her wonderful voice, but she has these really neat bug tattoos...  Daria also brings a bit of class to the outfit, which has been sorely needed. 

Jack and Daria can both be heard on the upcoming Jack Grace Band CD, I Like It Wrong.  Now fully mastered with the latest engineering techniques, or at least pretty good ones, the disc is being primed for release in the not too distant future.  Soon we'll be serving up some artwork and Mp3s from the new album. We'll even include lyrics, so you can sing along with Jack at his next show.

Besides his recent nuptial bash (which was, frankly, the best in the long history of weddings for our species), Jack has been busy hosting the Johnny Cash Tribute concert at the Rodeo Bar, which featured performances by Bucktooth Johnson, the Wicked Messengers, Earl Pickens, Hugh Pool, our man Jack, and many others.

We continue to provide assistance for those slow afternoons at the office with new Games.  We've created a special Lady Pac Man game in honor of the new Mrs. Grace.  The latest edition to our online Casino, Video Poker, is sure to take the edge off your fiscal blues, if only for a while.

September 18, 2003

Jack made the best of an unpleasant anniversary this year by staging another HoJos Spectacular in Times Square amidst a sea of orange naughahyde, brown formica, garish lighting, fried clams and crinkle cut French Fries. He wowed the pants off the staff and weary but grateful patrons.

News of the passing of Johnny Cash saddened fans the across the globe.  Johnny Cash was one of the best things about living in the 20th century, and he will be missed. 

In spite of all of this, there are plenty of things to  be happy about. Mars is still shining brightly in the night sky, I Like It Wrong will soon be released for public consumption, and Jack is taking a mighty leap into the jaws of matrimony. 

Even more exciting, perhaps, is the introduction of our latest arcade game, 6 Pac Man.  Can Jack outrun his hangover, or is complete inebriation inevitable?  Help him, somebody!

August 18, 2003

In a country where an electrical overload in Ohio can darken most of the Northeast corridor, the Terminator can run for governor and the drinks aren't free, it's reassuring to know that America still has something to offer.  This week, forget about your troubles and head to HoJo's.  That's right, the Jack Grace Band has been invited to play at the legendary Howard Johnsons.

As Jack himself says, "Disney hasn't swallowed up this asylum for the clam strip (yet). Come enjoy the band in the same spot sailors returning from the war would buy hookers a milk shake and fries (crinkle cut of course), feel the history of broken hearted actresses from Michigan, smell the chicken croquettes and all the other strange-shaped fried meat products, taste the cocktail that costs $4.73 with tax as they are not hip enough to round off drink prices to the nearest dollar, hear the band play songs about drinking, hurting and humping. If ya can't have a good time drinking with the band at Howard Johnsons, you can't have a good time."

The blackout following Jack's return from California was foretold by Captain Kirk via the Fortune Teller.  You may need some psychic clarity yourself.  Or perhaps you'd like to take out your aggression on celebrity floating heads in Grace Invaders.  Spend some phony baloney at our online Casino.  All can be found in our Games section, so give it look.

Come back soon for sizzling, summer fun.

July 14, 2003

Our warmest birthday wishes go out to Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin who celebrates a major milestone this month. The gang will be celebrating the anniversary of Drew's birth and the storming of the Bastille at the Ear Inn on Monday, July 14. There will be food, drink, merriment, arguments, hugs, kisses, new songs, old songs, tears, laughter and a plethora of cigarette butts just outside the door. You don't want to miss it.

I Like It Wrong will make its debut some time in the fall.  Jack will spend the second half of the summer recovering from the first half and touring with NYC's own Melomane as guest drinker/guitarist. It should be a fun time, but those of us left to swelter in NYC will miss him terribly.  Ice cold beer will help.

With their trial looming, the investors seem less and less likely to fork over the dough they promised for the Jack Grace Hotel and Casino. Not to worry, we've added Slots to the Jack Graceland Online Casino for your cyber gambling pleasure. You don't even have to muscle old biddies out of the way.  Good fun for those who like it.

This news update was brought to you by...

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Come back soon for more tricks and treats.

June 15, 2003

The new CD, I Like It Wrong, is finished — mixed, mastered, the whole shebang.  Jack plans on a fall release, as he intends to spend the summer drinking whiskey, touring as a special guest with NYC's own Melomane, trimming his goatee and training his dog to answer fan mail.  Featuring a fine cast of players, the new disc sounds even better than your imagination can allow.  It even has a drum solo, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

With all of these activities to keep our man busy,  be sure to catch him at the Rodeo Bar before it's too late.  You deserve a margarita anyway, and Jack's new tunes will lull you into a state of ecstasy.

Jack was making some headway toward his goal of creating the world's raunchiest Hotel and Casino. Unfortunately his investors have recently come under indictment so it's back to the drawing board.  Until we can rectify the monetary situation,  we would like to intrduce the Jack Graceland Online Casino. First up, Roulette.  It's easy, it's free — it's just right for your skills and your budget. 

April 18. 2003

The Jack Grace USO Show wowed the gang at the Rodeo Bar Wednesday, hosting the World's Worst Dancer contest.  While some couples managed to leave the audience astonished by their skill and/or enthusiasm, the individual with the most curious moves had to be guy in the FDNY t-shirt.  What was that interpretative dancing to Hank Williams thing all about?  The music was loud and boisterious, lovingly provided by Herr Grace, Poppa J. Granelli, Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin and Bruce Martin (sitting in for Russ the Fuss who is away helping scientists conquer that nasty SARS thing). The buffalo had no complaints.

Jack's upcoming CD I Like It Wrong is coming together nicely.  Featuring the usual suspects and special guests alike, the album is ready for mixing.  Cowboy Clifton showed up to offer his services, but was quietly escorted out of the building by security. 

In the meantime, read Jack's take on the war and many other Opinions, listen to some tunes or defend the homeland against Don Rickles' floating head in Grace Invaders.

March 25, 2003

Jack Grace Coalition forces stormed the Ear Inn on Monday, March 24th for a special birthday celebration for our commander in chief. Joined by Brigadier General Russ "the Fuss" Meissner, Paratrooper Neil Thomas, Gunnery Sergeant Bruce Martin and the infamous Colonel Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin, they had their own embedded upright bassist in tow as well. Playing all of your favorites wasn't enough for Jack. The birthday-buzzed cowboy even found the inspiration to tackle James Brown. Special guest Burt Reynolds sat in with the band playing a moonshine jug, and everyone got really drunk. It was quite spectacular as you can imagine.

March has been good to Jack. Not only has he re-settled in a fabulous Soho walkup, Mr. Grace has also been chosen to entertain the troops at the Mountain Winery before Dwight Yoakum kicks him off the stage on July 13, 2003. Jack has been hard at work on his next CD, I Like It Wrong (and he means it), which will feature some exciting new tunes, and one or two treats for you old-timers. More updates about tubas, kazoos and dogs will be forthcoming.

Grace Invaders has been so popular that we are completely unwilling and unable to introduce a new game this month. It's up to you to defend the homeland against sinister floating heads in this JGB new classic.

February 14, 2003

February is for sweethearts, and everyone's favorite sweetheart, Jack Grace, continues to sweetly serenade New York City with his fine baritone. Check out a solo performance, be awed by the weekly Jack Grace-arama (which officially comes to a close at the end of this very short month) or brave late nights at the Ear Inn to get your fix.

Jack Graceland is now on high alert with the introduction of our latest blockbuster: Grace Invaders. Defend the homeland against sinister floating heads in our version of the arcade favorite.

And don't forget Choose Your Own Adventure, a twisted journey through cheap motels, historic NYC inns, Hamptons mansions and Vegas casinos. It's fully loaded with celebrity shenanigans and plenty of intoxicants, so don't miss it.

Rumor has it Jack has been back in the studio to record his next masterpiece. We'll keep you posted on all of the latest developments, including repetitious overdubbing, in-fighting, the firing of producers and the special "Ice Cold Beer" remix project.

January 4, 2003

Jack's week of action was a full throttle assault on a holiday-weary Big Apple. After a remarkable year of autograph-seeking, whisky guzzling, Buffalo serenading brilliance, Jack has left 2002 as the Village Voice Pick of the Week. "The big voiced, hard-working Mr. Grace and band (which often includes Silos ace Drew Glackin on lap steel) play a twang and rock con-fusion that moves comfortably from original country weepers to 14-beer rampage versions of 'I am I Said' and 'Stayin' Alive'. Since returning from peculiar parts of the West (Boulder and San Francisco), he's added some banjo and accordion — the Ultimate Chick Magnets — to his honky-tonk flat picking." Just don't be upset if the banjo and accordion are missing. Those guys get lost sometimes.

The Jack Grace-arama continues weekly at the Knitting Factory. Come on by, or check Gigs for a reasonable alternative. For those of you partial to the lap steel, Drew has finally reappeared to join the rest of the gang for Thursday's show at the Rodeo Bar.

Hopefully you had some time to relax over the holidays. Maybe you're still recovering from all of that cheap liquor on New Year's Eve. Before you get all stressed out over your job or fret about income taxes, play a Game. Test your knowledge of the Beatles with our latest quiz.

We've added Jack's interview with Janis Tate of Indie Music Explosion. It's full of dog references and other insights.

December 8, 2002

The Jack Grace-arama has hit NYC! Friday nights at the Knitting Factory, you can be an eye witness to Jack's masterful stage presence.

More magic at Jack Graceland is available for your browsing pleasure. Jack reveals 5 Secrets (confirming some rumors and forcefully denying others) and shares some fan mail.

As always, we are here to serve our loyal customers with amusing time wasters to try when you're finished with your online holiday shopping. Test your skill with Tetris.

Need more info on Jack Grace? You can try reading his Bio (or those of his fair bandmates), peruse his Opinions or visit the photo gallery if you dare. Sign up for the mailing list, and you won't fall behind again.

October 15, 2002

"I'll never put on a life jacket again." Those immortal words, uttered by Captain Quint in a 1975 cinema classic, profoundly changed our views of boating safety. Relive the summer when people were afraid to go into the water with our new Jaws quiz. It's more fun than a pond full of sharks.

In addition to the development of this very important game, Jack has been busy writing some great new songs like "Ice Cold Beer" and "I Like It Wrong", which you can witness live and in color at an upcoming performance. So check out the Gigs for details. Not only is Jack returning to the Rodeo Bar, but he's very excited about opening for Junior Brown at BB King's Blues Club on November 3rd. Be there or be sorry.

Be sure to visit the Opinions section to read up on all of the latest Showbiz Parties, events that never happened, roosters with kazoos and all of the other emails you may have missed while your ISP network was hacked into, your vacation message was left on or that diabolical censoring agent of yours filtered out of your inbox. If you're not on the mailing list, fight the power and sign up now.

September 18, 2002

Jack has finally made his official announcement about Battleship, the newest game to grace our pages. (No, the pun was not intended, but we decided to keep it anyway.) Jack's fleet is said to be invincible. Do you dare to take them on? Can you sink Jack's destroyer, pummel his minesweeper, foul up his frigate? Probably, so you'd better give it a try. Also, take a stab at our newest levels of Concentration. Level 2 will leave you feeling slightly tipsy, and Level 3 takes you right to the hangover.

Jack Returns. Not only does he return to the Knitting Factory on Friday, September 20th after a long absence (main space with special guests Erik Lee Bline and Bootleg Remedy), but he'll be back at the Rodeo Bar next Wednesday, September 25. Will he serenade the buffalo oh so sweetly? He just might. You'll never forgive yourself if you miss it. For you Brooklynites, mark your calendars:  Friday, September 27, Jack will cross the river to play at Sweet Mama's.

The Bottom Line show was a rousing success, and no one got hurt. Doc was gracious enough to sing some train songs and sign Jack's guitar. That baby is getting a lot of action. First Merle, now this.

Jack was on WFUV recently. If you missed it, you better check your emails more often. For those of you not on our mailing list, you can cure your ills by signing up now.

August 28, 2002

Jack's fortune teller was right again. He not only succeeded in making a former colleague look foolish in court, but his performance on WFUV this morning was hailed as a watershed moment in the history of radio. Drew was there also, and we'd like to thank Drew for just being Drew.

So the weekly Rodeo Bar series is over, and you're feeling mighty blue. Not to worry. Jack will be back this Saturday, August 31st, opening for the legendary Doc Watson at Bottom Line. We are confident there won't be a blackout since the heat index has plummeted in recent days.

We know, we know...we promised a new game this week, and it's here. Unfortunately, we neglected to make the computer screech "You sunk my Battleship!", but it's still a really good time anyway.

Don't forget to call your favorite Radio station and request "Steve", "Stayin' Out All Night" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

August 16, 2002

Jack's last weekly Sunday show at the Rodeo Bar was a rousing success. It was so spectacular, management begged him to return again this Sunday, August 18. He may or may not be shirtless. The only way to know for certain is to witness it for yourself. Don't forget to catch the band opening for Doc Watson at the Bottom Line August 31st. Hopefully there won't be a blackout this time. Note to Jack: stay away from 13th and Avenue C and leave the bottle rockets at home this time.

Have you missed out on any emails? Be sure to view the Opinions archive to catch up on the latest lunacy.

Next week, a new Game will be added. Make sure you've played them all before we unleash the next one.

Don't forget to call your favorite Radio station and request "Worm Farm", "Greasy Smile" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

July 29, 2002

Due to circumstances beyond his control, Jack did not make it onto the stage at the Bottom Line last week. Those blackouts can be nasty business (fortunately, no reports of looting were substantiated). Fear not as Jack will return on August 31st, opening for Doc Watson. For those of you partial to Jack's heartfelt serenades to the Rodeo Bar's resident Buffalo, you have but three more weekends to enjoy the Jack Grace Band, whose Sunday stint is coming to an end on August 14. Join us there for complimentary peanuts and delicious margaritas. There's always more information to be found in recent Opinions, so check 'em out.

As promised, we are continually adding to the Games section. This month's challenge: the Star Trek Quiz. You think you know about Captain Kirk, Spock and McCoy? Test your knowledge with our fun-filled diversionary tactics.

Don't forget to call your favorite radio station and request "Worm Farm", "Greasy Smile" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

In the meantime, Jack is back in Lonelyville enjoying the thrills of summer. We hope you are doing the same in Your Hometown, USA (or whatever fine country in which you happen to dwell).

July 21, 2002

The Jack Grace Band returns to the Bottom Line for a night of music, magic and potent potables. Sandwiched in between Jesse Harris & the Ferdinandos and Stupid, Jack is gonna blow your face out. We'll see you there. Or maybe you want to catch Jack at the Rodeo Bar all by his lonesome (except for the ever faithful Buffalo). Then again, perhaps the Ear Inn on Monday at midnight (which is technically Tuesday) is more your style. If you manage to make all three, you will win our short-lived but sincerest admiration.

Recent technological advancements have enabled us to bring you the Jack Grace Band over the Internet and on the radio. Some of these technologies actually go back quite a while, but you can still experience them with the awe of a child.

We will be adding a new Game soon, so don't let yourself get behind. If you haven't played them all yet, now is the time. Don't forget to catch up on some Opinions while you're at it.

July 15, 2002

Another Sunday has come and gone at the Rodeo Bar. It was great seeing all of you who were there. For those of you who inexplicably chose not to be there, you missed some tender moments on stage when Jack serenaded the Buffalo (whose identity is being kept a closely guarded secret). After the set, rumor has it they shared a margarita together before Jack disappeared into the night. Next Sunday, Jack performs solo as the band gets a well-deserved stint at the spa, joining Poppa J who has been there for weeks.

Happy Birthday to Drew Glackin who enjoyed drinks and merriment, cigarettes, kind words from well-wishers and the good fortune of being alive this past weekend. Recently, Drew came into close proximity with a microphone and no harm came to him or anyone around him. Congratulations and keep up the good work Glackin!! We're proud of ya.

Have you heard the Jack Grace Band on the airwaves? No matter where you live, you can listen on the net. Those of you that live in the right sort of place, you lucky folks can enjoy the old fashioned radio and listen right in your car or on your old transistor. To find out which is being offered in your sphere of influence, check the Radio listings.

Have you played all of the Games yet? Many people don't feel it's okay to waste time, but as Jack says "Wasting time is under rated." These wise words and many more can be found in Opinions.

July 1, 2002

Did you hear? Someone wrote on Jack's guitar! It's okay, it was Merle. So read all about it. You can see Merle's handwriting if you go to the Rodeo Bar this Sunday and look very closely. Drink a margarita, eat some peanuts and throw the shells right on the floor!

Jack is on the airwaves! New Yorkers and Jersey denizens can check out WFUV (90.7) or WFMU (91.1). Jack promised to send along more radio info, and he delivered. Way to go buddy!

Have you played a Game yet? Do so, without delay. Take the Pink Floyd quiz, test your Concentration or just consult the Fortune Telling Machine. It really won't take that long, so give it a try.

Keep yourself informed with Opinions. Find out about Jack and Britney's future plans. Pass it on.

June 14, 2002

This week finds Jack cruisin' at high altitudes on his return to California, having earned the coveted opening slot for Merle Haggard. Jack will be performing your favorite songs in a solo performance guaranteed to rock the Mountain Winery on Saturday, June 15.

Jack is on the Radio! New Yorkers and Jersey denizens can check out WFUV (90.7) or WFMU (91.1). Jack has promised to send along more radio info after his jet lag wears off.

Jack continues his Sunday night encampment at the Rodeo Bar in Manhattan (except for June 16 due to his California excursion). If you haven't seen this band in a while, you're missing a sublime musical experience for no cover at all (and the Rodeo's infamous margaritas). Jack recommends the Skirt Steak. The band plays from 10 PM to 12 AM (hey you're tired on Mondays anyway).

If you haven't visited our new Games section, you're missing out on good, time-wasting fun. Treat yourself.

As always, read the Opinions to keep yourself informed of the latest on dogs, Burt Reynolds and Chinese food.

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