December 15, 2003

As 2003 draws to a close, we look back on a strange and wonderful year at Jack Graceland.  Jack recorded a wonderful album full of toe tappers and show stoppers, broke his hand (which has healed nicely, thank you), married the lovely Daria, enjoyed his first taste of deviled eggs and debuted his new Christmas song, "Santa Claus, Won't You Shoot My Boss for Christmas?"

We've added some great Games to the site, including Casino favorites, interactive bonanzas like Choose Your Own Adventure, and our own twisted Arcade classics like Grace Invaders and 6 Pac Man. This month, we threw in Not Really Mr. Potato Head just for the hell of it.

What does 2004 have in store?  The long-awaited public offering I Like It Wrong will hit the streets like a drunk thrown from the arms of an irate bouncer.  Jack and Daria will finally go on their Honeymoon, and Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin" will make his Broadway debut starring as General Patton in a musical revue entitled, "Blood, Guts and Rhythm".

We leave you now with some new Christmas classics (reported directly by Mr. Grace) you can hum at your desk as you break your New Year's Resolutions, until your neighbor in the next cubicle swats you with an empty wrapping paper tube.

1. Capt. Kirk's "I'll Have a Blue Christmas, Without Spock"
2. Mayor Bloomberg's "All I Want For Christmas Is A Personality"
3. Saddam Hussein's "I (gulp) Won't Be Home For Christmas"
4. Britney Spears' "Hey, I Wrote A Really Crappy Christmas Song"
5. George Bush's "Even At Christmas, I Suck"

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and any other seasonal good tidings we may have forgotten.  And don't forget the dogs, eating people food, under the table, throughout the holiday season.

November 30, 2003

Sometimes promises are made and not kept.  We at Jack Graceland frown on that type of behavior, which is why we're keeping our promise of bringing the latest and greatest from New York's finest Italian baritone.

With the release of I Like It Wrong right around the corner, we are giving away a sneak preview.  Visit the Music section for some Mp3s to download, artwork to ogle and credits to peruse.  The music's better than ever, and the cover sports some fine photography from the highly-regarded Danny Clinch. Soon you too will be saying you like it wrong; then you'll fit right in at the CD Release Party. A note of caution, however. Jack has some pretty strong ideas about these industry type things. This is what he has to say about it.

As far as that sham term "CD RELEASE PARTY"

1. They almost always suck
.
2. It's usually just another show, but with the new CD.
3. A ploy to get you, the listener, to come to #2.
4. Sometimes someone's girlfriend might make a cake or hang some streamers, which only make numbers 2 and 3 more pathetic.
5. Hey, I had a great CD release party back in 1993 for my old band Steak at The Fox Theater in Boulder Colorado.  Everyone had fun, and everyone had sex. That was my first CD and therefore my first CD RELEASE PARTY (it just looks funnier in caps). Well folks, that was then. This is my seventh CD, and I don't think that first CD naivete and magic can be rekindled. I wish my new CD well; it is my very good friend, and I hope that we can help each other out.

So, now you know.  You will all be invited to the party. The band will be there but will not play.  There will be boozing and schmoozing, and maybe we'll listen to the CD.

If you're wondering how some of Jack's other parties have turned out, be sure to visit Games and play Choose Your Own Adventure.  Or hit the Casino.  Or whatever turns you on (hell, we don't pretend to know). 

October 23, 2003

Though Britney Spears is putting on a brave face, insiders know that she is heartbroken after the recent union of our hero to the lovely Daria. While Jack could not be reached for comment, a spokesperson said, "While he wishes Britney the best, he is delighted with his new bride, and this one can actually sing."  All of us at Jack Graceland are delighted as well, not only for her wonderful voice, but she has these really neat bug tattoos...  Daria also brings a bit of class to the outfit, which has been sorely needed. 

Jack and Daria can both be heard on the upcoming Jack Grace Band CD, I Like It Wrong.  Now fully mastered with the latest engineering techniques, or at least pretty good ones, the disc is being primed for release in the not too distant future.  Soon we'll be serving up some artwork and Mp3s from the new album. We'll even include lyrics, so you can sing along with Jack at his next show.

Besides his recent nuptial bash (which was, frankly, the best in the long history of weddings for our species), Jack has been busy hosting the Johnny Cash Tribute concert at the Rodeo Bar, which featured performances by Bucktooth Johnson, the Wicked Messengers, Earl Pickens, Hugh Pool, our man Jack, and many others.

We continue to provide assistance for those slow afternoons at the office with new Games.  We've created a special Lady Pac Man game in honor of the new Mrs. Grace.  The latest edition to our online Casino, Video Poker, is sure to take the edge off your fiscal blues, if only for a while.

September 18, 2003

Jack made the best of an unpleasant anniversary this year by staging another HoJos Spectacular in Times Square amidst a sea of orange naughahyde, brown formica, garish lighting, fried clams and crinkle cut French Fries. He wowed the pants off the staff and weary but grateful patrons.

News of the passing of Johnny Cash saddened fans the across the globe.  Johnny Cash was one of the best things about living in the 20th century, and he will be missed. 

In spite of all of this, there are plenty of things to  be happy about. Mars is still shining brightly in the night sky, I Like It Wrong will soon be released for public consumption, and Jack is taking a mighty leap into the jaws of matrimony. 

Even more exciting, perhaps, is the introduction of our latest arcade game, 6 Pac Man.  Can Jack outrun his hangover, or is complete inebriation inevitable?  Help him, somebody!

August 18, 2003

In a country where an electrical overload in Ohio can darken most of the Northeast corridor, the Terminator can run for governor and the drinks aren't free, it's reassuring to know that America still has something to offer.  This week, forget about your troubles and head to HoJo's.  That's right, the Jack Grace Band has been invited to play at the legendary Howard Johnsons.

As Jack himself says, "Disney hasn't swallowed up this asylum for the clam strip (yet). Come enjoy the band in the same spot sailors returning from the war would buy hookers a milk shake and fries (crinkle cut of course), feel the history of broken hearted actresses from Michigan, smell the chicken croquettes and all the other strange-shaped fried meat products, taste the cocktail that costs $4.73 with tax as they are not hip enough to round off drink prices to the nearest dollar, hear the band play songs about drinking, hurting and humping. If ya can't have a good time drinking with the band at Howard Johnsons, you can't have a good time."

The blackout following Jack's return from California was foretold by Captain Kirk via the Fortune Teller.  You may need some psychic clarity yourself.  Or perhaps you'd like to take out your aggression on celebrity floating heads in Grace Invaders.  Spend some phony baloney at our online Casino.  All can be found in our Games section, so give it look.

Come back soon for sizzling, summer fun.

July 14, 2003

Our warmest birthday wishes go out to Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin who celebrates a major milestone this month. The gang will be celebrating the anniversary of Drew's birth and the storming of the Bastille at the Ear Inn on Monday, July 14. There will be food, drink, merriment, arguments, hugs, kisses, new songs, old songs, tears, laughter and a plethora of cigarette butts just outside the door. You don't want to miss it.

I Like It Wrong will make its debut some time in the fall.  Jack will spend the second half of the summer recovering from the first half and touring with NYC's own Melomane as guest drinker/guitarist. It should be a fun time, but those of us left to swelter in NYC will miss him terribly.  Ice cold beer will help.

With their trial looming, the investors seem less and less likely to fork over the dough they promised for the Jack Grace Hotel and Casino. Not to worry, we've added Slots to the Jack Graceland Online Casino for your cyber gambling pleasure. You don't even have to muscle old biddies out of the way.  Good fun for those who like it.

This news update was brought to you by...

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Come back soon for more tricks and treats.

June 15, 2003

The new CD, I Like It Wrong, is finished — mixed, mastered, the whole shebang.  Jack plans on a fall release, as he intends to spend the summer drinking whiskey, touring as a special guest with NYC's own Melomane, trimming his goatee and training his dog to answer fan mail.  Featuring a fine cast of players, the new disc sounds even better than your imagination can allow.  It even has a drum solo, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.

With all of these activities to keep our man busy,  be sure to catch him at the Rodeo Bar before it's too late.  You deserve a margarita anyway, and Jack's new tunes will lull you into a state of ecstasy.

Jack was making some headway toward his goal of creating the world's raunchiest Hotel and Casino. Unfortunately his investors have recently come under indictment so it's back to the drawing board.  Until we can rectify the monetary situation,  we would like to intrduce the Jack Graceland Online Casino. First up, Roulette.  It's easy, it's free — it's just right for your skills and your budget. 

April 18. 2003

The Jack Grace USO Show wowed the gang at the Rodeo Bar Wednesday, hosting the World's Worst Dancer contest.  While some couples managed to leave the audience astonished by their skill and/or enthusiasm, the individual with the most curious moves had to be guy in the FDNY t-shirt.  What was that interpretative dancing to Hank Williams thing all about?  The music was loud and boisterious, lovingly provided by Herr Grace, Poppa J. Granelli, Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin and Bruce Martin (sitting in for Russ the Fuss who is away helping scientists conquer that nasty SARS thing). The buffalo had no complaints.

Jack's upcoming CD I Like It Wrong is coming together nicely.  Featuring the usual suspects and special guests alike, the album is ready for mixing.  Cowboy Clifton showed up to offer his services, but was quietly escorted out of the building by security. 

In the meantime, read Jack's take on the war and many other Opinions, listen to some tunes or defend the homeland against Don Rickles' floating head in Grace Invaders.

March 25, 2003

Jack Grace Coalition forces stormed the Ear Inn on Monday, March 24th for a special birthday celebration for our commander in chief. Joined by Brigadier General Russ "the Fuss" Meissner, Paratrooper Neil Thomas, Gunnery Sergeant Bruce Martin and the infamous Colonel Drew "Hang 'em High" Glackin, they had their own embedded upright bassist in tow as well. Playing all of your favorites wasn't enough for Jack. The birthday-buzzed cowboy even found the inspiration to tackle James Brown. Special guest Burt Reynolds sat in with the band playing a moonshine jug, and everyone got really drunk. It was quite spectacular as you can imagine.

March has been good to Jack. Not only has he re-settled in a fabulous Soho walkup, Mr. Grace has also been chosen to entertain the troops at the Mountain Winery before Dwight Yoakum kicks him off the stage on July 13, 2003. Jack has been hard at work on his next CD, I Like It Wrong (and he means it), which will feature some exciting new tunes, and one or two treats for you old-timers. More updates about tubas, kazoos and dogs will be forthcoming.

Grace Invaders has been so popular that we are completely unwilling and unable to introduce a new game this month. It's up to you to defend the homeland against sinister floating heads in this JGB new classic.

February 14, 2003

February is for sweethearts, and everyone's favorite sweetheart, Jack Grace, continues to sweetly serenade New York City with his fine baritone. Check out a solo performance, be awed by the weekly Jack Grace-arama (which officially comes to a close at the end of this very short month) or brave late nights at the Ear Inn to get your fix.

Jack Graceland is now on high alert with the introduction of our latest blockbuster: Grace Invaders. Defend the homeland against sinister floating heads in our version of the arcade favorite.

And don't forget Choose Your Own Adventure, a twisted journey through cheap motels, historic NYC inns, Hamptons mansions and Vegas casinos. It's fully loaded with celebrity shenanigans and plenty of intoxicants, so don't miss it.

Rumor has it Jack has been back in the studio to record his next masterpiece. We'll keep you posted on all of the latest developments, including repetitious overdubbing, in-fighting, the firing of producers and the special "Ice Cold Beer" remix project.

January 4, 2003

Jack's week of action was a full throttle assault on a holiday-weary Big Apple. After a remarkable year of autograph-seeking, whisky guzzling, Buffalo serenading brilliance, Jack has left 2002 as the Village Voice Pick of the Week. "The big voiced, hard-working Mr. Grace and band (which often includes Silos ace Drew Glackin on lap steel) play a twang and rock con-fusion that moves comfortably from original country weepers to 14-beer rampage versions of 'I am I Said' and 'Stayin' Alive'. Since returning from peculiar parts of the West (Boulder and San Francisco), he's added some banjo and accordion — the Ultimate Chick Magnets — to his honky-tonk flat picking." Just don't be upset if the banjo and accordion are missing. Those guys get lost sometimes.

The Jack Grace-arama continues weekly at the Knitting Factory. Come on by, or check Gigs for a reasonable alternative. For those of you partial to the lap steel, Drew has finally reappeared to join the rest of the gang for Thursday's show at the Rodeo Bar.

Hopefully you had some time to relax over the holidays. Maybe you're still recovering from all of that cheap liquor on New Year's Eve. Before you get all stressed out over your job or fret about income taxes, play a Game. Test your knowledge of the Beatles with our latest quiz.

We've added Jack's interview with Janis Tate of Indie Music Explosion. It's full of dog references and other insights.

December 8, 2002

The Jack Grace-arama has hit NYC! Friday nights at the Knitting Factory, you can be an eye witness to Jack's masterful stage presence.

More magic at Jack Graceland is available for your browsing pleasure. Jack reveals 5 Secrets (confirming some rumors and forcefully denying others) and shares some fan mail.

As always, we are here to serve our loyal customers with amusing time wasters to try when you're finished with your online holiday shopping. Test your skill with Tetris.

Need more info on Jack Grace? You can try reading his Bio (or those of his fair bandmates), peruse his Opinions or visit the photo gallery if you dare. Sign up for the mailing list, and you won't fall behind again.

October 15, 2002

"I'll never put on a life jacket again." Those immortal words, uttered by Captain Quint in a 1975 cinema classic, profoundly changed our views of boating safety. Relive the summer when people were afraid to go into the water with our new Jaws quiz. It's more fun than a pond full of sharks.

In addition to the development of this very important game, Jack has been busy writing some great new songs like "Ice Cold Beer" and "I Like It Wrong", which you can witness live and in color at an upcoming performance. So check out the Gigs for details. Not only is Jack returning to the Rodeo Bar, but he's very excited about opening for Junior Brown at BB King's Blues Club on November 3rd. Be there or be sorry.

Be sure to visit the Opinions section to read up on all of the latest Showbiz Parties, events that never happened, roosters with kazoos and all of the other emails you may have missed while your ISP network was hacked into, your vacation message was left on or that diabolical censoring agent of yours filtered out of your inbox. If you're not on the mailing list, fight the power and sign up now.

September 18, 2002

Jack has finally made his official announcement about Battleship, the newest game to grace our pages. (No, the pun was not intended, but we decided to keep it anyway.) Jack's fleet is said to be invincible. Do you dare to take them on? Can you sink Jack's destroyer, pummel his minesweeper, foul up his frigate? Probably, so you'd better give it a try. Also, take a stab at our newest levels of Concentration. Level 2 will leave you feeling slightly tipsy, and Level 3 takes you right to the hangover.

Jack Returns. Not only does he return to the Knitting Factory on Friday, September 20th after a long absence (main space with special guests Erik Lee Bline and Bootleg Remedy), but he'll be back at the Rodeo Bar next Wednesday, September 25. Will he serenade the buffalo oh so sweetly? He just might. You'll never forgive yourself if you miss it. For you Brooklynites, mark your calendars:  Friday, September 27, Jack will cross the river to play at Sweet Mama's.

The Bottom Line show was a rousing success, and no one got hurt. Doc was gracious enough to sing some train songs and sign Jack's guitar. That baby is getting a lot of action. First Merle, now this.

Jack was on WFUV recently. If you missed it, you better check your emails more often. For those of you not on our mailing list, you can cure your ills by signing up now.

August 28, 2002

Jack's fortune teller was right again. He not only succeeded in making a former colleague look foolish in court, but his performance on WFUV this morning was hailed as a watershed moment in the history of radio. Drew was there also, and we'd like to thank Drew for just being Drew.

So the weekly Rodeo Bar series is over, and you're feeling mighty blue. Not to worry. Jack will be back this Saturday, August 31st, opening for the legendary Doc Watson at Bottom Line. We are confident there won't be a blackout since the heat index has plummeted in recent days.

We know, we know...we promised a new game this week, and it's here. Unfortunately, we neglected to make the computer screech "You sunk my Battleship!", but it's still a really good time anyway.

Don't forget to call your favorite Radio station and request "Steve", "Stayin' Out All Night" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

August 16, 2002

Jack's last weekly Sunday show at the Rodeo Bar was a rousing success. It was so spectacular, management begged him to return again this Sunday, August 18. He may or may not be shirtless. The only way to know for certain is to witness it for yourself. Don't forget to catch the band opening for Doc Watson at the Bottom Line August 31st. Hopefully there won't be a blackout this time. Note to Jack: stay away from 13th and Avenue C and leave the bottle rockets at home this time.

Have you missed out on any emails? Be sure to view the Opinions archive to catch up on the latest lunacy.

Next week, a new Game will be added. Make sure you've played them all before we unleash the next one.

Don't forget to call your favorite Radio station and request "Worm Farm", "Greasy Smile" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

July 29, 2002

Due to circumstances beyond his control, Jack did not make it onto the stage at the Bottom Line last week. Those blackouts can be nasty business (fortunately, no reports of looting were substantiated). Fear not as Jack will return on August 31st, opening for Doc Watson. For those of you partial to Jack's heartfelt serenades to the Rodeo Bar's resident Buffalo, you have but three more weekends to enjoy the Jack Grace Band, whose Sunday stint is coming to an end on August 14. Join us there for complimentary peanuts and delicious margaritas. There's always more information to be found in recent Opinions, so check 'em out.

As promised, we are continually adding to the Games section. This month's challenge: the Star Trek Quiz. You think you know about Captain Kirk, Spock and McCoy? Test your knowledge with our fun-filled diversionary tactics.

Don't forget to call your favorite radio station and request "Worm Farm", "Greasy Smile" or any of your favorite Jack Grace Band tunes.

In the meantime, Jack is back in Lonelyville enjoying the thrills of summer. We hope you are doing the same in Your Hometown, USA (or whatever fine country in which you happen to dwell).

July 21, 2002

The Jack Grace Band returns to the Bottom Line for a night of music, magic and potent potables. Sandwiched in between Jesse Harris & the Ferdinandos and Stupid, Jack is gonna blow your face out. We'll see you there. Or maybe you want to catch Jack at the Rodeo Bar all by his lonesome (except for the ever faithful Buffalo). Then again, perhaps the Ear Inn on Monday at midnight (which is technically Tuesday) is more your style. If you manage to make all three, you will win our short-lived but sincerest admiration.

Recent technological advancements have enabled us to bring you the Jack Grace Band over the Internet and on the radio. Some of these technologies actually go back quite a while, but you can still experience them with the awe of a child.

We will be adding a new Game soon, so don't let yourself get behind. If you haven't played them all yet, now is the time. Don't forget to catch up on some Opinions while you're at it.

July 15, 2002

Another Sunday has come and gone at the Rodeo Bar. It was great seeing all of you who were there. For those of you who inexplicably chose not to be there, you missed some tender moments on stage when Jack serenaded the Buffalo (whose identity is being kept a closely guarded secret). After the set, rumor has it they shared a margarita together before Jack disappeared into the night. Next Sunday, Jack performs solo as the band gets a well-deserved stint at the spa, joining Poppa J who has been there for weeks.

Happy Birthday to Drew Glackin who enjoyed drinks and merriment, cigarettes, kind words from well-wishers and the good fortune of being alive this past weekend. Recently, Drew came into close proximity with a microphone and no harm came to him or anyone around him. Congratulations and keep up the good work Glackin!! We're proud of ya.

Have you heard the Jack Grace Band on the airwaves? No matter where you live, you can listen on the net. Those of you that live in the right sort of place, you lucky folks can enjoy the old fashioned radio and listen right in your car or on your old transistor. To find out which is being offered in your sphere of influence, check the Radio listings.

Have you played all of the Games yet? Many people don't feel it's okay to waste time, but as Jack says "Wasting time is under rated." These wise words and many more can be found in Opinions.

July 1, 2002

Did you hear? Someone wrote on Jack's guitar! It's okay, it was Merle. So read all about it. You can see Merle's handwriting if you go to the Rodeo Bar this Sunday and look very closely. Drink a margarita, eat some peanuts and throw the shells right on the floor!

Jack is on the airwaves! New Yorkers and Jersey denizens can check out WFUV (90.7) or WFMU (91.1). Jack promised to send along more radio info, and he delivered. Way to go buddy!

Have you played a Game yet? Do so, without delay. Take the Pink Floyd quiz, test your Concentration or just consult the Fortune Telling Machine. It really won't take that long, so give it a try.

Keep yourself informed with Opinions. Find out about Jack and Britney's future plans. Pass it on.

June 14, 2002

This week finds Jack cruisin' at high altitudes on his return to California, having earned the coveted opening slot for Merle Haggard. Jack will be performing your favorite songs in a solo performance guaranteed to rock the Mountain Winery on Saturday, June 15.

Jack is on the Radio! New Yorkers and Jersey denizens can check out WFUV (90.7) or WFMU (91.1). Jack has promised to send along more radio info after his jet lag wears off.

Jack continues his Sunday night encampment at the Rodeo Bar in Manhattan (except for June 16 due to his California excursion). If you haven't seen this band in a while, you're missing a sublime musical experience for no cover at all (and the Rodeo's infamous margaritas). Jack recommends the Skirt Steak. The band plays from 10 PM to 12 AM (hey you're tired on Mondays anyway).

If you haven't visited our new Games section, you're missing out on good, time-wasting fun. Treat yourself.

As always, read the Opinions to keep yourself informed of the latest on dogs, Burt Reynolds and Chinese food.

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